Sixty People Found My Blog

In a previous post I, shockingly, committed a typo. I wrote Gary Busy instead of Gary Busey. However, it was because of this that sixty people found my blog. Most likely they were searching for a picture and spelled his name wrong, shame on Google for not correcting them. However, luckily for them there was a jerk out there with a blog that committed the same error.

On the other hand I thought maybe there is a Gary Busy and that is who they were looking for, therefore I only prolonged their search. I decided to search out Gary Busy in a Google image search.

 

For those readers who have already decided to try this, the first picture you see like this is from my blog. I demand you only visit my blog by doing a Google image search of Gary Busy.

Oddly enough I had pictures of other men named Gary on my computer.

This Gary is obvious, and we all knew what he was talkin' about.

 

This Gary has a similar name as the first, but the two men are not related, I checked.



Now it might be getting a little harder or easier depending on how old you are.



This one might be tough, but you can't call yourself boring unless you know this Gary.



I swear I was doing research and that is how I ended up with this Gary on my computer.



If you know this guy then you are a Gary expert, or you belong in jail, probably.



Well, though there was no Gary Busy after all it was fun to play along. Fun for me at least, not really.



 Here's Gary Busey.

 

Stupid Babies Need the Most Attention

They definitely don't need it, but they want it and get it. Stupid babies are all around us, getting attention and succeeding at life while the rest of us smart babies gush all over them. There are a lot of people out there that claim the keys to success are hard work, being motivated, positive thinking, and never giving up. What a load of bullshit. I, for one, am tired of hearing these falsities. I am not afraid of the truth and the truth is on it's way. Here are the keys to success in our world of stupid babies.

1) Be as attractive as possible.

Seriously, attractive people just have it easier. Everyone wants to know them, everyone wants to be around them, they do next to nothing and reap all of the benefits. How many attractive people fall ass backwards into jobs, and than claim they worked so hard. I'd say 100%. There is no denying that we live in a messed up world. There are constantly stories in the news about mothers killing their children, recently I heard one put her baby in a microwave, but these stories never go nation. Currently Casey Anthony is on trial for the murder of her daughter and I think you have to go to Mars to get away from this story. Casey Anthony is a hot chick party girl that seems very easy and the media is obsessed with her.



Happy 4th of July! I'm a stupid baby.

2) School is for losers.

Seriously, higher education is probably the biggest waste of time and money ever created. There's really nothing more I need to say. Smart babies waste thousands of dollars on the multiple degrees they need to earn in order to get some crap ass job that pays just above the poverty level. Higher education is a huge lie created by stupid babies to get smart babies to waste money on something they care about. The only way to succeed is to care about nothing but yourself. Vanity will get you everywhere.



Look at this college grad, he's going places. Of course he's going places, just look at him. I'll tell you where he's not going, jail for date rape, unlike this unlucky fellow.



That's a shocker.

3) Care about nothing.

I already touched on this one, but the only thing you should be passionate about is drinking and the gym. Don't care, and not in the I don't care way, but more like the I don't have a clue way. People who are clueless are cute. There's nothing worse than someone who has morals, standards, passions, beliefs, or anything that will cause them to sound intelligent about something. Stop caring, go to the gym, and get a $300,000 dollar a year job with your Dad's best friend's company. Good thing you went to college.



Here's another picture of Casey Anthony. I think this is when she was trying to find her daughter or something. I really wasn't paying attention.

Once again I have no way to end this. I once uploaded a picture of Gary Busy to a post and go a lot of hits based on that. So...

Very Short Letters

Here are some very short letters.

Dear kids in the middle of the street,
Please move.

Dear new deoderant,
I should have bought you three days ago.

Dear woman in front of me in line at Walgreens,
Why are you buying so much stuff at Walgreens?

Dear soundtrack to the royal wedding,
Why do I feel the need to read you while waiting in line at Walgreens?

Dear Royal Wedding,
I regret not watching you.

Dear Youtube,
How do I find clips from the Royal Wedding?

Dear Cowtail,
You only cost 49 cents but you taste like you cost 50 cents.

Society of Winners

Sorry I have been away for so long. I know you've all been drooling over your keyboards waiting for my next deposit in the private bathroom. I've been out there in the trenches, getting my hands dirty, getting my feet dirty, and even getting my mind dirty studying our beautiful country and what I have determined is a society of winners. Yes, maybe Charlie Sheen (is he still relevant?) is right and winning is the most important thing. Think about it, everyone is a winner and we winners surround ourselves with losers in order to feel better. Look at it this way, when your favorite sports team wins you say "We Win!" However, when that team loses you say "They Lost!" That's right they lost and we won, always a winner. Anyone can go out and buy a shirt or a coffee mug that says "World's Greatest Dad," just check out this guy.



He's a winner, just read his shirt. He's the World's Greatest Dad even though he pleaded guilty to child sex abuse. Who cares though read the shirt. World's Greatest Dad. I know you're Dad worked three jobs to put you through college so you could get a useless communications degree and smoke weed on the quad while you played ultimate Frisbee, but he didn't do enough to be the World's Greatest Dad.

There's even a show called The Biggest Loser, and winners watch this show to look at the losers on the show. When someone wins the show they become the biggest loser. Hold on one second, the winner is actually the loser?



It's obvious in this picture that the loser is on the left and the winner is on the right. The show turns losers into winners because that is what we want. On a side note I always have to have ice cream when I watch this show. Think about it. We're all proud, but of what? Should I be proud of my bowel obstruction or my massive debt or my back hair. Should I be offended that my nickname in 5th grade was Harry Manback. No. I was Harry Manback and I was a winner because I wore sweatshirts all the time and hung out with Unibrow and Club Foot. They were the losers, I was the winner.



I even found love, obviously. Everyone says they are looking for love or happiness, but what is the number one motivator. Spite. People only do things to one up someone else, or to look better than other people. No one goes to a school reunion to catch up with old friends, we go to rub our awesome lives in every ones' faces. So I say the time to win is now. The time to live is now. Get out there with your stretch pants and your chest hair and start winning. Don't let life pass you by. If you don't get out there and win you'll just have to stay in here and lose.

Now I want you to comment on this blog and pass it along, share it on facebook or twitter. If you don't the band Orleans will come after you.

Maybe you have no friends because of diarrhea

That's right ladies and gentlemen everybody poops, but no one wants to know about it. We all fear the skid marks, the brown sparks, and the green apple splatters, but do we ever stop to think about how our bowels affect our social status. This is really a problem for men because girls just don't fart. I'm not even sure they move their bowels the natural way. I feel there is a secret conspiracy where women have learned to evacuate their bowels in the form of condescension. Ever hang out with a girl and after a few hours she gets really condescending for about three minutes or so, and then goes to the bathroom for thirty seconds. Then says every thing's fine. Pooping. The problem many guys have to overcome is stopping the fart. Farts cause problems. I mean if you fart on a first date you've basically doomed the relationship before you have to reveal that you're living in your parents' basement. In fact, Jimmy Milktoast was kicked in the nuts by a girl seven times for sliding out a SBV fart at a Bennigans. I'm pretty sure that's the cause of all those Bennigans closing down.



On the other hand, if you get away with letting a stink bomb slip, and the date actually goes well you have to worry about the situation down there. God forbid you brought the brown sparks and are wearing some tighty whities. I'm pretty sure it's not only a turn off to see a brown line in your underwear that shows exactly where your asscrack is, but also a deal breaker. I specifically try to wear dark underwear just in case. Also, I've often worried about jeans and other types of pants housing the fart. How exactly does it vent through? How bad could it be to open up your fly and release the stank of a fart from three hours earlier. It's like sour milk, we know it's sour, but we always have to open it up and smell it. In a way we are a society of sadists.



So what are we going to do about our horrible functions. I know if my bowels haven't moved I can't go out. I need to get right in the shower afterward to shoot hot water up there for about twenty or thirty minutes. You can never be too careful. Some people try to say eating healthier is the answer, but hang out with someone thirty minutes after they down a bunch of broccoli, and see if you haven't pulled your shirt up over your nose and mouth. I feel the real reason people get married is so they can fart in from of each other. Hang out with a couple that's been married for over twenty years, they produce so much gas living with them is a form of capital punishment.

Everyone is so uptight. We all need to relax, and let our gases slide out, opposed to clenching and tightening until they explode in a fit of rage. I have no good way to end this so here's Gary Busey.

Your Blog Sucks

At least this guy was cool enough to think of this in 2004, or possibly 2003.

Every asshole has a blog these days, and each blog sucks more than the next. I'm pretty sure that my blog sucks most of all, and if you judge the validity of a blog by the number of posts than the one post I did in 2010 should be obvious evidence of my suckiness. It also took me a year and a half to discover how many views I have, fifty. However, that does include my own personal views so it's probably more like twenty-five. Yes, I am getting an F, F+ tops, in blog quality, and I never even got an email from someone who was looking for information about private bathrooms. I figured those emails would be flooding my inbox. Below is a cartoon representation of my blog.



Basically, I'm not even sure why I started this stupid blog. I think it was designed to make me feel better about myself, and I'm lost on why I fell for my own stupid logic. Of all the logic in the world mine is definitely the worst, anyone who has talked to me for at least five seconds will tell you that. The truth is that I'm a sub par writer, I know nothing of logic, and would have a hard time generating interest in a rickshaw fire. Immanuel Kant would turn over in his grave if he heard my explanation of where the Sublime lies.

For those of you not keeping up this is Immanuel Kant



And this is Sublime



Every day someone starts a terrible blog filled with their terrible ideas and bad writing. Everyone has a story, but probably only 1% of those stories are worth hearing. Why are there vampires, zombies, aliens, and other obviously fictional things all over the place? These are completely fictitious creations and a hell of a lot more interesting than anything I, or anyone I know, has ever done.

Here's someone I know, sorry.



I obviously write this blog because I care. I want people to read it. I want the attention. I don't want to call myself an attention whore, but I can't think of a better way to finish that sentence. At this point I'm not sure why I started this post. I guess I would say I hate all the other blogs out there, but I've only ever read like one blog and it was pretty good. The fact of the matter is that the problem is not with the blog, but with the blogger. Why should the private bathroom suffer from having a bad owner? I am willing to hear offers from anyone who wants to purchase the private bathroom. If I can't sell it then the terribleness will have to continue. On the bright side, how bad can it be, I'm sure worse things have happened in a bathroom.

An Observation

One thing that really annoys me, and I'm probably guilty of this, is people who make stupid comments and then defend themselves by saying "I was trying to be clever," or "I was trying to be witty," or "I was trying to be ironic," and so on. How do you try to be clever? Aren't you just clever? In my opinion you are either clever or you're not, there is no trying to be clever. Therefore people who are not clever should not try to be clever. This would save them the embarrassment of failing and showing the world that they are unclever.